


Lemon Time: The Book

by orphan_account



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz (Two River Cast) Actor RPF
Genre: F/M, M/M, and a lot of inside jokes, discusses masturbation and sexual stuff but not in detail, this is purely crack, we're gonna make an actual fic with the au this spawned from but for now this is it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-08-09 23:07:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20125345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: steven fortnite bangs jeremy's dad and inadvertently jumpstarts the apocalypse





	Lemon Time: The Book

The first day of the end of the world started like any other- porn. No! There was distance sounds of the bed creaking. Damn, my dad was having gay sex again. Seventh time this morning. Who would’ve known my dad was  _ so loud _ in bed. I didn’t want to know. Every morning I regret my existence as I listen to my dad getting it on with another dude. Steven Fortnite. The man who tore my family apart. You’re probably wondering how I got in this situation; oh, well, I’ll tell you alright. It was like any other morning, me watching my Sick Heterosexual Pornographic Film To Cope With The Loss Of My Mother and jacking off while thinking of Michael Mell, my boyfriend. My hand? You know exactly what my hand looked like. Probably like Steven Fortnite’s cock after ramming my dad. That’s life for you. The thumping stopped after a loud moan of Steven’s name, (which I really didn’t want to hear right now; sexy lady with tits is what I wanted to hear) and then there was knocking on my door. 

“Son? Son boy? Is something happening?” My dad threw the door open with no regard for my privacy, and gasped comically as he realized what I was doing, “Oh no! I have seen something I never should’ve.”

“Fuck you, rat bastard!” I make no attempt to hide my penis; I am confident in my penis. Seeing my penis is a damn  _ gift _ . My dad is just ungrateful. One day, he’ll understand- they’ll all understand. 

“Son boy, please, cover yourself.” My ugly bastard dad calmly said to me, placing his hand on my shoulder gently. 

“You will regret the day your parents even considered conceiving you,” I made no attempt to silence my pornographic film, allowing the big titty lady on the screen to continue her moans. 

My dad was silent for a minute, before finally having the balls to speak up. “Son. I have made pancakes. They are burned. I love you.”

“One day, you will face the wrath of God. The case against your tainted soul had been building against you for years,” I felt something rise within me, a feeling of genuine, unadulterated hatred.

It was also my dick; my dick was rising. My penis did as it pleased, disregarding my wishes.

“No idea what that means, champ,” he had the audacity to ruffle my hair, “but I’m sure you’ll do great.”

The touch of someone so unworthy sent me reeling- it felt like I was slowly withering away.

And I was.

“You will burn in Hell, father, along with all the others upon this cursed earth, I swear it,” I have never felt this much aggression in my life.

My dad stared, like I was speaking in a different language, his hand still touching my hair.

“Alright, son!” My dad walked to the door, but turned back before he left, “Steven Fortnite offered to give you a ride to school, son. That sound good?”

Unbridled rage surged through my veins, “Father. I’d rather ride with Satan Himself. A hobo. Herobrine. Anyone but  ** _Steven_ ** .” 

Suddenly, a chill settled, deep in my bones- it was clear I made a terrible, unforgivable mistake. The floors started to tremble and shake, a black goo seeping through the cracks of the wooden walls.

“ **You called?** ” A voice reverberated through my home, causing a few plates to crash downstairs. I stare directly at the figure that formed in front of me, my penis still hard.

“Yeah, and what about it?” I stare at the shadowy figure in the general eye area, still filled with undying rage because of my father’s existence.

“The  _ disrespect _ . Who do you think you are, twink? Do you think you are a higher being? Steven Fortnite does not like that.” The voice cackled through the house, more plates crashing (we have 22 china dish collection sets).

“Just you wait,  ** _Steven_ ** ,” I stand, dick out, and poke him in the chest, voice filled with disrespect, “You’re going to suffer worse than anyone else- save for my father.”

Steven stared with furious eyes, the ground starting to break and crack underneath him, “You. You, Jeremiah Jeremah Heere, will Perish.” 

I laugh- laugh at him and all he will ever stand for. Even though the ground is falling, I continue to laugh.

“Do you doubt me? My ability to bring the wrath of God upon you? You’ll regret that,” I take a blanket and wrap it around my waist- my outfit for the day.

Steven only watches, specs of white littering his feet, (which had nothing on them, and I’m only assuming my disgusting father sucked his toes) making him look the same as T.V static. In fact, I think Steven was the physical manifestation of T.V. static, based on how fuzzy his form was. 

“Hiding behind this mask of yours shows nothing but how weak you are, Jeremiah.” His voice was fuzzy and distant- like T.V static.

“My blanket,  ** _Steven_ ** ? Are you intimidated by the fact that I don’t need to show my penis for people to know I have more BDE (big dick energy) than they ever will?” I look at his body- completely composed of T.V. static- and laugh.

“Your dick energy might be big, Jeremiah,” T.V static man says, “But your real penis? Smaller than Mine…”

“That little stick of T.V. static? Huh?” I poke his chest, and then his penis, “Wrong. Your dick will never be as big as mine.”

“My Penis!” He cried out, his penis fading into T.V static, “Do not touch Steven Fortnite; it will infect you, too.”

“Wrong! Only people with MTVSDE (miniscule T.V. static dick energy) can be infected by the Fortnite Disease,” I know the effects of that disease all too well- it’s how we lost my grandma.

Mr. Heere cuts in, “and your mother. It is why we are divorced. Love you, son.” 

“I knew it!” I yell, on the verge of tears, “I knew she didn’t fall in love with the Papa John’s delivery man! She didn’t even  _ like _ pizza!”

“What she did like, however, was sucking tiny dick. I’m sorry, son, but.. I think she slept with Steven Fortnite..” Mr. Heere sobbed.

“Will you get Fortnite Disease, too?” I perk up, hoping that finally something was going my way- losing my dad to FD would be way easier than bringing about Armageddon.

“I am vaccinated, son. Your mother was anti-vax. It is why she is diseased.” 

“Fuck you, dad!” I scream, channeling the banshees of yore, “You will rue this day! You all will!”

Mr. Heere and Steven Fortnite then started to make out; they could not keep their hot dad bodies off of each other. Right then, I made up my mind- this world, and all its inhabitants, would  _ burn. _

**Author's Note:**

> now that you've made it through that, we are actually going to write a fic together! this spawned from us not knowing how to start the real story, so some of the elements (not steven fortnite) are the same.


End file.
